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Amazon announces Kindlingâ„¢ pit controller

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SEATTLE--(BUSINESS WIRE)--Aug. 6, 2009-- Amazon.com, Inc. (NASDAQ:AMZN) today announced the release of its barbecue controller, “Kindling™,†which is now available on Amazon's home page.

Amazon was able to release this device so quickly because of similarities in function to its “Kindle™†line of e-book readers. An electronic paper display makes sense for barbecue, said Amazon founder Jeff Bezos, because pit temperatures don't change so quickly. Users can control their pits remotely over Amazon Whispernet using the Sprint EVDO network.

The kicker? For adjusting pit temperatures, the “Kindling™" sports a touch screen, like the e-book reader being developed by Amazon rival Plastic Logic.

"It's rather embarrassing" confesses Bezos. "The Kindle had a touch screen all along, but we originally planned to go with Verizon for wireless connectivity. Verizon likes to cripple functionality on anything they get near, you know, like what they do to Bluetooth on their cell phones? When we switched to Sprint, we just plain forgot to turn the touch screen back on. Doh!"

Asked if he worried about rival Plastic Logic entering the barbecue market, Bezos was dismissive, saying Plastic Logic already had their hands full. "Have you seen Barnes and Noble's pricing for e-books? Anyhow, Plastic Logic can't get text-to-voice to work on AT&T's network. The books all sound like someone talking over an iPhone."

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In related news...

Furious Kindling users were left eating only cranberry sauce, potatoes and pumpkin pie after Amazon deleted the turkey from their Thanksgiving dinner.

Amazon chief Jeff Bezos explained that employees responding to a complaint from the publisher of the book "Turkey" had made a "regrettable and inadvertent error" resulting in the loss of the holiday feasts.

While apologizing for the inconvenience, Bezos denied that Amazon would reimburse Kindling users for the cost of the lost meals, time, and travel explaining that the risks were clearly spelled out on page 734 section 15, paragraph 3 through 12 of the Terms of Service to which the users agreed by pressing the "Accept" button when they first used the device.

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